Back in the day, family home movies were recorded on VHS tape. These days, they can be uploaded on TikTok in a blink. But that doesn’t make them any less wholesome.
Exhibit A: One family video posted by TikTok user Camryn (@camrynrlee). In the video, you see a group of cousins show up to their grandparents’ house for a “cousins sleepover”–a new trend where adult family members have an overnight gathering with the same vibes as when they were kids.
In the one Camryn documents, we see each of her cousins show up one by one to surprise their grandparents. So, basically the best parade ever? Yep–at least based on Grandma’s reactions.
She screams with delight as each grandchild enters, enveloping them in a warm hug that would make Olaf from Frozen swoon. Grandpa generally stays put in his chair as each grandchild arrives, at one point muttering, “It’s getting crazy now,” with a slight smile.
Commenters love the family dynamics, paying particular attention to these seemingly polar opposite reactions.
“She loves all her grandkids the same,” writes one person. “You get a scream. You get a scream. Everybody gets a scream.”
Move over, Oprah.
“The scream every time one of y’all showed up,” writes another fan.
“She needed this,” another commenter notes. “Ya’ll make sure you keep visiting her. I can see she misses y’all so much.”
On the other hand, one keen observer offers their take that, “Grandpa is stressed.”
Someone else echoes these sentiments with, “Grandpa did NOT invite ya’ll over,” adding laughing and crying emojis.
While a cousins sleepover seems like nothing more than a fun one-time thing on the surface, mental health professionals say it showcases the importance of intentional family time (even when time is limited). They also share tips for actually making intentional time happen, even in an on-the-go world.
Product Recommendations for Intentional Family Gatherings:
1. Fujifilm Instax Mini 11 Instant Camera: Capture those spontaneous and cherished moments instantly. This camera prints out photos on the spot, providing tangible memories for everyone to enjoy. It’s a great way to relive the old-school family photo vibes.
2. Amazon Echo Show 8: Perfect for keeping in touch with family members who can’t make it in person. The Echo Show 8 offers video calling features, allowing everyone to be part of the gathering, no matter where they are.
3. Zinus Jackie Sofa Couch: Ensure everyone has a comfortable place to sit and relax. This affordable and stylish couch provides ample seating for all your family members, making the living room a cozy spot for sharing stories and laughter.
4. Uno Family Card Game: A classic card game that’s fun for all ages. Uno is perfect for engaging everyone in a light-hearted and competitive activity that brings out the child in everyone.
5. Nostalgia Retro Pop-Up Hot Dog Toaster: Bring a bit of novelty and fun to snack time with this retro-style hot dog toaster. It’s a hit with kids and adults alike, making it easy to prepare a quick and delicious snack during your family gatherings.
Different Expressions of Love and Reactions are Valid
Mental health providers love that the video shows two different reactions from grandparents, saying it serves as a reminder that we all show love and emotion in our own ways. Also, people have different emotional capacities and preferences for crowd size and how they bond with family.
“Overall, seeing one’s adult grandchildren offers a chance to truly appreciate family connections and helps one reflect on the overwhelming positive emotions of watching loved ones thrive,” says Zishan Khan, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist and Regional Medical Director of Texas with Mindpath Health.
According to Dr. Khan, Grandma may be super-pumped about the surprise sleepover because it gives her:
As for Gramps?
“Other grandparents may be reserved for various reasons, such as feeling overwhelmed by large family gatherings, experiencing health issues or limitations that make social interactions challenging, or having different communication styles that may not align with the energy of the gathering,” says Monica Cwynar, LCSW with Thriveworks in Pittsburgh. “They may also have different preferences for how they express their emotions or connect with others.”
Carving Out Intentional Family Time as an Adult
Mental health professionals emphasize the importance of spending time with loved ones as adults, even when having differing preferences for how to spend that time.
“Intentional family gatherings as adults help maintain and strengthen relationships, provide emotional support, and create a sense of belonging,” says Dr. Elizabeth Barlow, LCSW, the founder and president of Kinder Mind. “They can reduce feelings of isolation and improve mental health by reinforcing familial connections.”
The problem? It can feel like there’s no time to make time.
“Everyone grows up and either moves and disperses across the country or becomes busy with their own professional and personal lives,” says Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist with South County Psychiatry. “Adults have a lot more responsibilities, so finding time to pencil in those plans becomes difficult.”
To help, mental health professionals share tips for making intentional family time:
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- Plan inclusive activities. “Choose activities that consider the interests and abilities of all attendees,” Dr. Khan says. “For example, if some family members are less mobile, plan seated games or discussions. It can be helpful to solicit input from family members on what they would enjoy or find meaningful.”
- Set clear intentions and goals. “Before the gathering, it can help to discuss and agree on what you hope to achieve with the get-together,” Dr. Khan says. “This may include fostering better communication, addressing specific issues, or simply enjoying quality time together. Share these goals with family members in advance, if appropriate, so everyone is on the same page.”
- Put it on the calendar. “Sharing a calendar or a group chat is a fair way to make sure that everyone gets to be involved in the planning,” Dr. Schiff says. “This also ensures the best attendance because everyone gets to contribute their availability as well as activity interests to the planning discussion.
- Create meaningful traditions. “Establish traditions or rituals that hold personal significance for your family, such as sharing stories, playing games, or cooking a special meal together,” Cwynar says.
- Practice active listening. “Be present and attentive during interactions with family members, actively listening to their thoughts and feelings and showing empathy and understanding,” Cwynar says.
- Go virtual. “Regularly scheduled video calls…ensure consistent communication.” Dr. Barlow says.
Dr. Khan says, while challenging, setting aside intentional time for loved ones is worth it.
“Regular, intentional family interactions contribute to one’s emotional well-being by offering support, validation, and affection opportunities. This, in turn, can reduce feelings of isolation or loneliness, which is common among grandparents.”